The Fault is My Own I'll Make it Right
by Moonyloon
Summary: A Song Fic involving Orignal Characters, taking place after Pilot's friends are all deceased and he's alone. PG for some language and some blood, etc.


Author's Notes: Hey, I was in a "down-in-the-dumps" mood and this fic idea  
came into my mind. And then as I was going it sort of fit with my character's song (Somewhere I Belong - Linkin Park). So it's also my first Song Fic. It's a One Shot I worked really hard on. The song verse that  
goes with the paragraph(s) in each section is the one above it.  
  
::Song Verse::  
+  
Writing  
  
Just a thought here while I'm thinking of it. "Blue" and "Ryle Doyle" are the same person. So is "Azure/Blue Wolf" but I don't know if I used  
that in this Fic. I hope you like it.  
  
Disclaimers and Copyrights: I don't own the show 'Cowboy Bebop' or "Somewhere I Belong". The song is copyrighted to Linkin Park. But I do  
own the Akuma Hane, Ryle Doyle (Blue), and the other characters in this  
fic. Theft will be punishment by death!  
  
Title: The Fault is My Own (I'll Make it Right)  
Song: 'Somewhere I belong' By Linkin Park  
  
(When this began)  
I had nothing to say  
and I'd get lost in the nothingness inside of me  
(I was confused)  
and I let it all out to find/that I'm  
not the only person with these things in mind  
(inside of me)  
but all the vacancy the words revealed  
is the only real thing that I've got left to feel  
(nothing to lose)  
just stuck/hollow and alone  
and the fault is my own  
and the fault is my own  
  
Music reverberates through the steel halls of the Akuma Hane as it floats in orbit around Pluto, the waves of sound vibrating through the floor and pounding in the ears of the soul blue haired "porcupine" inhabitant of the large ship. The young man sits on the couch, staring into space through dull eyes and reflecting upon his comrades; all dead because of the bounty  
that had accumulated upon his head. They hadn't deserved it. They had deserved better than that. But now they're dead. He couldn't keep them from trying to save him from himself at the time and today all he can do is mourn them and sit in the empty hollow shell of what was once a home. And it's his fault, all his fault. Like an idiot he had gotten involved with  
other people, permitted himself to allow the humanly desire for  
companionship to overrun everything else.  
  
After getting close and attached to them they unintentionally left him  
alone, feeling like "the glass half empty". Like everyone else in his  
life, the only real family he had ever had turned their backs on him, getting themselves, as he puts it, "selfishly killed". Now all he has is  
the hate of his self and the syndicate that had cut his friends' lives short. To just keep on living was torture and even to take a single breath  
has been a difficult task ever since.  
  
I want to heal  
I want to feel  
what I thought was never real  
I want to let go of the pain I've held so long.  
(erase all the pain til it's gone)  
I want to heal  
I want to feel  
like I'm close to something real.  
I want to find something I've wanted all along  
somewhere I belong  
  
Many times the weapon at his side has been aiming for someone other than an enemy. Many times he has sought to hurl himself from the lonesome abyss of the universe with a 'bang'. But something inside him held him back. And  
it wasn't cowardice because he has never lacked much of bravery. But something deep inside the reformed criminal's heart told him it isn't the  
right thing to do, that there's some other important mission left to  
fulfill before his life line is severed.  
  
But Ryle had never understood what that mission was, even after poring through lists and documents of the main frame of the computer and searching  
the logs and bounty index's. That is until today, after coming up with nothing but his memory bank. He stares into the void of his mind, thoughts  
riveted upon old memories dating back to the time he had become an unofficial member of the Akuma' Crew to the times he witnessed his friends'  
deaths; one by one, speculating and digging as deep down as he possibly can. As if lightning had struck his brain, or like a light bulb had just clicked on inside his skull, there was a solution. The final job came to  
him, he would make those bastards pay for the pain they had caused his  
innocent companions.  
  
and I've got nothing to say  
I can't believe I didn't fall right down on my face  
(I was confused)  
looking everywhere/only to find that it's  
not the way I had imagined it all in my mind.  
(so what am I)  
what do I have but negativity  
cause I cant justify the way everyone is looking at me  
(nothing to lose)  
nothing to gain/hollow and alone  
and the fault is my own  
and the fault is my own  
  
The Akuma Hane takes a trip to the icy tomb of Pluto and the former gangster criminal is seen walking down familiar streets of his childhood, his face clean of emotion and his blue eyes left with a dangerous frigid frost. Like the coating of ice over a lake, still thin, the frost hides the depth of his troubled soul. The city residents' stares burn through  
his skin like acid, all gazes of fear and glares of hate, disgust, and distrust. If only they knew of how torn up and shredded his inward self is, perhaps their hatred would be directed to the one more detestable than himself. But the young man, the bounty hunter, he can't bring himself to find fault with their negative feelings for him. For that is all he feels toward his self. Blue views himself as the one who had pulled the trigger  
on every gun that had killed them.  
  
As he walks to his destination his mind is vacant of everything but the  
thoughts and questions of "What went wrong". Why did it all have to be this way? Why did the conclusion of their story have to end like it has? The confusion causes a knot of regret and grief to well up in his chest as he contemplates all of the questions with the answers continuing to evade  
him.  
  
I will never know  
myself until I do this on my own  
and I will never feel  
anything else until my wounds are healed  
I will never be  
anything 'til I break away from me  
and I will break away  
I'll find myself today  
  
He sticks out like a sore thumb in the dark, dank halls of the old  
building, his footsteps echoing within the emptiness of the corridor.  
Often the 'drip, drop, plip, plop' sound of water dribbling from broken pipes recalls off the walls, reminding the vengeful cowboy of the tears of the guiltless ones who had fallen at the slimy coils of the snakes that had deceived them. The serpent-tongued men promise them protection and only bring destruction and ruin. Too many tears had been shed on their account,  
for their mistakes and their lies.  
  
A growl erupts from his chest as his emotions stir wildly within him, the large inner cauldron of his feelings going into a boiling rage, enforcing  
his personal need to do this as he comes to the doors at the end of the corridor. Blue would do this himself and nobody else would fall prey to the ways of these men. From an inside eyes view the doors seem to erupt inward as the space cowboy's foot breaks them open. The click of Blue's  
gun's hammer being pulled back resounds out in the still silence of the shocked company, followed shortly thereafter by an earth shattering crack.  
He had mad the first shot.  
  
The Azure Wolf stands amid the carnage of his revenge, his handy work, death's reeking fingers clinging to everything, the stale stench filling the room. In front of him the bodies of his foe lay strewn about, along with glass that glitters like diamonds in the flickering, failing lights of  
the chandeliers above. The windows overlooking the park are shattered, riddled and peppered with bullet holes. Behind him the doors swing in the wind the windows have welcomed in, splattered with crimson blood. His own  
clothes and body is stained with scarlet, his blood.  
  
Slowly and wearily he picks his way back down the seemingly growing  
hallway, leaving a trail of blood with each heavy step he takes. Eventually he collapses just inside the Akuma's hatchway as the sun disappears. Without the strength to pick himself back up, he lays bleeding, feeling the sensation of his ebbing away from his body. He catches a look at the expanse of stars through dulled, tired blue eyes, a faint smile gently pulling at the corners of his lips as the words "for you" dieing on his lips. From there on his life quickly recedes, his free and wild spirit leaving his heart. And his eyes, once holding the joy of living, gradually close for the last time, and never to open to see the world as he had come to know it.  
  
A blue star streaks across the sky and disappears, as if in a hurry to get to where it's headed. Ryle's soul returns to place he desires most, his heaven, waking up back on his friend's, Kaden Aoki's, ship; The Akuma Hane;  
finding the place he belongs. And that place is with his...family.  
  
I want to heal  
I want to feel like I'm  
somewhere I belong  
  
Sleep well Space Cowboy  
We Love You  
  
Ending Author's Notes: For those of you who know this song you're probably saying that some of the chorus parts are missing. I do know this. But I couldn't write that much to go along with those verses, so I skipped them a bit. But I didn't ruin the song by taking the "one time sang" verses out.  
They went real good with my Fic in the first place! ( Another note! Sorry about the last part being so long while the rest of the parts were shorter. But I couldn't cut it down or move any of it to another part, so it stays. *hides under a rock* Don't hurt me Tara! Don't worry! He's  
not dead forever. Remember, I'm the authoress! I can bring him back!  
FEEL THE POWER! ^_~ 


End file.
